It is too easy to blame your problems on say, your partner or lover, so that we don’t have to accept that our unhappiness is our own responsibility. Defensiveness can blind us to what is really going on in our own life and the choices that we can take for our own happiness.
Everyone has these defensive mechanisms that started to use as children to protect ourselves. Now that we’re grown up adults we still can have these defenses, along with some new protective walls we may have built up around throughout our life. We can do this consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps you’ve been heartbroken in the past, so you won’t open yourself to others in case you get hurt again? Perhaps you react angrily to disguise a mistake? Sometimes we have sharpened our defensive skills to such an extent that they are automatic reactions and we don’t even have another option to take in particular situations. It is becoming aware of these defenses in your life that allows you to change them.
The question I want you to ask is; what do these defense mechanisms do for you? Do they really keep you safe and protect you? Perhaps they just get in your way and hold you back? Do these walls you’ve built up around yourself hold you in a prison that you can’t free yourself from? What sounds better to withdraw and keep people away, or be open and vulnerable, experiencing true intimacy? These walls can hold us away from relationships that can make us happy.
It is possible to reduce your defensive mechanisms. I have a program and various exercises that can help you become aware of the different defensive walls you have been using. This awareness leads to letting go of the defenses that can hold you back. Letting go of defenses does lead to greater happiness and more fulfilling relationships and intimacy. Get in touch today!