Ferocity | Jodi Lobozzo Aman
“She is the Black Panther, the Tigress, the Lioness – chasing, stalking, threatening, striking, pouncing. She is unpredictably wild. She is sensual and passionate. She loves an adventure. She is assertive, aggressive, and holds her power with strength and grace. She brings about needed conflict and change. She is protective, guarding against injustice and cruelty. She is a feminine force not to be messed with. But if we surrender to her, she has the medicine to heal our wounds.
She is Fierce.
From a young age, girls are taught not to know their anger. To be “Good Girls”, we learn that our tempers must be reigned in, controlled, and contained – lest we seem unladylike, unfeminine, unattractive, unbecoming, or ugly. Following in the footsteps of our mothers, their mothers, and the mothers before them, we may even find ourselves teaching the next generation of daughters to contain this unacceptable aspect of our humanity, hiding it from being seen or heard.
After years of strict concealment, these unwelcomed feelings are pushed down deep so that regardless of what is going on inside, all appears peaceful, placid and calm on the outside.
…The tension of holding it all in may become so great that we have sudden, uncontrollable outbursts where the darkness within us barrels forward, spewing out onto everything and everyone around us. Our anger becomes a dichotomized force: dulled out and silenced, or out-of-control and destructive. In either case, we feel shame. But in denying our anger, what else has been denied?
“Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of our anger preserves the very integrity of our self. Our anger can motivate us to say ‘no’ to the ways in which we are defined by others and ‘yes’ to the dictates of our inner self.” ~Harriet Lerner
Co-mingling with the many other feelings that emerged when I began to speak my truth and make significant changes in my life and lifestyle, I realized there was a world of feelings within me that had been relegated to the shadows, now slowly revealing itself as I re-define what is healthy, balanced, and whole. I cannot be a whole person if part of me is cut off. At some point, I have to face all that is mine.
…Unchecked and ignored anger can be destructive. It can cause hurt, suffering, and wreak havoc in our relationships and on our lives. But if we are willing to work with it, live with it, feel it, observe it, explore it, and name it without restrictions and rules, we will meet something new. It is a protection against harm, a warning, and stealth in maneuvering conflict or threat. It can be fiery, edgy, and powerfully strong. It helps us say “No”, develop good boundaries, stand up for our truth, and defend what is important and valued. It reveals a more accurate picture of all that we are.”