“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage…..
And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of feeling hurt. But as I look back on my own life and what da
ring greatly has meant to me, I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I’m standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.”
Brene Brown
Our vulnerability is a strength not a weakness. Embracing our vulnerability opens us up to creativity and our deeper emotions. Vulernability is the key to intimacy in relationships and genuine connection.
Vulnerability is having the courage to be yourself.
Shutting down your ability to be vulnerable out of fear is counter productive. Putting up a wall around yourself, your heart and disconnecting yourself from others takes you down the path of avoidance and alienation. This “shutting down” can become a stagnating habit and be detrimental to your close relationships.
Acknowledging that you’ve been hurt in the past is the first step. Bringing that experience out of the shadows into the light robs it of its power.
You are not your past or what happened to you.
Understanding that our fears are rooted in our unhealed past illuminates the staggering power they can have over our present relationships. These fears can paralyse and hamper relationships years later. Remember you are not the person you once were. You have learned lessons and moved forward.
If being vulnerable when we were younger only meant pain and suffering then we might hide this part of us and bury it down. In relationships we might misinterpret any tiny little thing as a betrayal of trust and overreact in a wild tempest. Or we might only sometimes make the effort to connect from behind a very strongly erected wall that keeps people at bay. We might think that locking people out can keep us safe from being hurt but this robs us of any positive and loving experiences and keeps us trapped. We must be gentle with ourselves when we feel like this so that we can deal with it in a emotionally mature and gentle manner. Please get in touch with me if you want to learn how to change these coping mechanisms.
Embracing our own vulnerability in a relationship is about acknowledging that nothing in life is certain but believing you have the ability to cope with whatever the outcome. Being human is about vulnerability! It’s also about remembering not to bring past baggage into the present and working at it.
When it comes to sex- vulnerability is the ultimate aphrodisiac.. When you open yourself up to your lover the intimacy can fly off the scale! This doesn’t mean you have to tell your partner your whole life story- you can still have your boundaries. It means you are real, honest and authentic. No pretenses. No lies. It also means being radically honest in casual sexual relations. Not lying about your intentions or relationship status is a good way to start.
Brown calls vulnerability the glue that keeps relationships together. It’s about letting go of the shame that is holding us back, learning to trust ourselves and reconnecting with joy.
True intimacy in a relationship requires us to be vulnerable.
