You’re dooming your relationship if you’re fantasising about outside options.
Relationships get better when you invest in them wholeheartedly. (And I’m not talking about the second you’ve met someone! I definitely suggest slowly does it! Get to know someone slowly… In this blog I’m talking about long term relationships.. )
“When we are in a relationship but continuously with one foot out and continuously thinking about how the outside world is more tempting and more interesting and so on, it’s actually not a good recipe for investing in a relationship. It’s not a zero-sum game–it gets better when you invest in it.”
I see this a lot. Couples where they are together. Sort of. Yet one or both of them has a foot outside of the relationship. They think the grass is greener on the other side. The problems they are experiencing in their relationship that could be worked out in some of our sessions with dedication and work are used in their mind as an excuse to get out and find someone else where it will be “easier.” Then a year down the line the same problems come up again. With a different person. Because they never learnt how to overcome them and kept running from them.
Or perhaps they spend a lot of time on facebook or tindr looking at all the other options open to them when they’re with someone else.
Some people can be hooked on that first initial honeymoon phase of a relationship. You know the phase where your body and mind are buzzing with feel good hormones. This can be really addictive for some people especially people afraid of intimacy. They can just go from one person to the other in short lived relationships that never go longer than two years because as soon as they start seeing their partner warts and all they want out!
Watch the video and let me know what you think. Don’t beat yourself up if you think you might be doing this. Awareness is the first step to getting focussed and grateful for what you have now.