There’s a big difference between being sexually empowered and using sex to make yourself feel good about yourself because deep down you don’t like yourself at all.
Sexual empowerment is NOT using sex to feel validated about who you are as a person.
Sexual empowerment is not about using sex to keep intimacy at arms length. It’s not about using sex to feel loved, wanted, needed, in control, worthy, high or get over a relationship. It’s not even having a lot of sex.
Sexual empowerment is not using sex as a ‘fix’ to feel good about your body or sexually desirable again and then feel that wane off until you get the next ‘high.’
You are giving away your power if you use sex as a drug to prop up your self esteem or to make yourself feel desirable. You are giving away your power if you use sex to numb yourself to feel less emotional responses to tough things in life.
The more disconnected you are from your conscious sexuality the more you might use sex to make yourself feel worthy or important. Remember that you don’t have to have sex to be liked or get what you want. You don’t have to have sex to get love.
Sex from a disempowered space can be confusing and hurt like hell. Always trying to keep your vulnerability at arms length. Always trying to stay in control of your emotions by playing games, choosing emotionally unavailable types or shutting down emotionally or disassociating.
It is not sexual empowerment to have weak sexual boundaries. An example might be having sex with someone when you’re not sure or not ready but you feel obliged to or don’t want to let them down or disappoint them.
Letting go of our unconscious shields and defences is how we start to step into our truly empowered conscious sexuality. In my one on one sessions and at my retreats I take you on various relaxing and creative exercises to help you get deep into your unconscious world to start changing this.
When we feel empty and disconnected we can be always searching for something to fill up that emptiness whether compulsive eating, sex, drugs or other addicitive behaviours.
Working on our relationship with ourselves can break these unhealthy patterns.
It is pretty dam common to give our sexual power away. The fact that you can recognise it is the first starting point. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
Acknowledge it and decide to change it.
In our society a lot of people equate being sexually desired as a type of validation or power. Sex and attractiveness is sold to us as a commodity, something you can purchase if you buy the right perfume or other material object with the right label.
Reclaiming your body and your sexuality for you is a complete shift in the opposite direction.
You can dissolve this fear and you can amp up that love and compassion for yourself.
You can feel comfortable in your own body.
You can get to the point where you embrace being vulnerable.
Whatever point you’re at in your sexual journey I honour your progress. It takes courage to work through this stuff in a society that hangs a lot of shame and mixed messages onto us. You are not alone in your struggle and there is a way out.
You can be sexually empowered!