Porn lies to you! And sadly so many people get their sexual education from porn these days and are terribly misinformed. It’s important to remember it’s a highly constructed fantasy for entertainment- it’s not the one and only way to have sex!
Here are some things you may have seen in a lot of pornographic films and shouldn’t do in real life!
Vaginal sex straight after anal sex
STOP!! If you are using a toy like a strap on or a penis in a partner’s anus and then you go straight from there into the vagina stop noooo stop right now!!
You will give your partner nasty infections!
You should never even put your finger from up inside an anus to up inside a vagina. If you want to do this, wear gloves and use lots of lube. Change the gloves before you go from the anus to the vagina. Also, change the condom before going from the anus to the vagina!
Remember how little girls are taught when wiping themselves after urinating they should wipe from front to back never the other way around? That’s because the bacteria from the anus should NEVER get into contact with the pH balanced vagina. This transfer of bacteria can apparently even happen when women wear a g-string! Once the bacteria that normally lives in a healthy GI tract, rectum and anus is transplanted into the reproductive tract of the vagina, they can cause quite a few problems.
Putting a cock, finger or toy from an anus into the vagina can cause bacterial vaginosis. This can cause a strain that’s harder than usual to treat because it’s a type of bacteria not normally found in the vagina.
This mistake you may have learnt from porn may cause pelvic inflammatory disease, which is when bacteria travel from the vagina to the uterus, ovaries or fallopian tubes and can cause infertility. That’s not sexy!
Vaginal sex straight after anal sex can lead to vaginal thrush (or vulvovaginal candidiasis). This can be very painful, inflamed and itchy with off-smelling, white or looking discharge. Doctors recommend avoiding any fingers/toys or penises in the vagina while it recovers from thrush so that’s another reason not to do this!
Post anal vaginal contact can also cause urinary tract infections which can lead to serious kidney infections if not treated early!
Not using any or enough lubrication
I know you never see the behind the scenes prep in porn movies with lube and to be frank, there is often hardly any lube used in a lot of porn scenes which looks rather painful!
Spit isn’t enough!
All safe sex requires lube and condoms! Condoms without lube can break! Always use lube!
Not wearing condoms with a new sex partner
You should never ever have unprotected sex with a stranger or new partner!
10,000 people between the ages of 13-24 were diagnosed were HIV in a recent study. Don’t be complacent about your sexual health! Safe sex always! Don’t risk it!
Not wearing condoms when you have anal sex
Someone said to me recently they didn’t do this with a new heterosexual partner because “anal means no baby risks so why wear a condom.”
You still aren’t protecting yourself against STI’s and HIV!
It’s time to destroy the myth that the anus is a simply tighter version of the vagina. No!
Having protected sex during anal encounters is even more important than vaginal sex because the anal lining is much thinner than the vagina and prone to breaking and tearing more easily when friction occurs. This is expecially true if there’s nasty dry friction going on! The anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication like the vagina so if you aren’t using lots and lots of lube then you could be causing micro tears and making the anus bleed! Coming into contact with someone’s sexual and bodily fluids like blood is not safe sex!
Skip foreplay for the woman
A lot of porn is made by male directors for a male audience. Think of how in so many of film scenes any point of view scenes are usually for the male viewers joy.
There’s a LOT of scenes that consisently show foreplay for women is completely missing or only about 2% of the the amount of documented foreplay for the man. I think there’s even been academic studies to prove this. For every one minute in heterosexual porn of a woman receiving cunninglingus from a man there was probably 20 minutes of a woman sucking a man’s penis!
This isn’t real!
Foreplay is important! Stop seeing sex as just the genitals touching each other. Sex is every single part of your contact.
I totally get that foreplay will vary when you’re with a long term partner and sometimes quickies can be exciting, however if every single time you’re rushing straight past foreplay then stop!
The more foreplay the more the vagina lengthens, widens and lifts. The more foreplay the more orgasmic capacity the woman will reach. Why rush? What’s the hurry?
Ignore the entire body except for the genitals
I often laugh to myself that so many porn scenes could just be a floating vulva or penis in the air with perhaps a hand and that’s it. It’s so disconnected.
The entire body is an exciting erogenous zone. Stroking your lovers body, caressing and massaging it all over before even touching the genitals can open up a whole world of pleasure. Sex is more than just genitals rubbing together. A lot of pornos just replicate these cultural ideas that prioritise reproduction way above pleasure. Embrace a more holistic and nuanced view of sex where you’re not rushing to get to a destination.
Do something without checking in because you saw it in a porno and thought it was okay
Grabbing their head and choking them on your penis, slapping her or him, calling her or him a slut, choking her or him around the neck, ejaculating on her face- without her or his consent -all because you “assumed” it was okay because of all the particular porno’s you watch isn’t going to help you. Without their explicit and continued consent it is assault.
Unless she or he begging you to do that or has talked about it with you beforehand just don’t do it. Do not surprise someone with things like this. You need to discuss it first.
Consensual sex means that two people have to agree.
Consent is mutual, ongoing, freely given, informed and enthusiastic. It can be revoked at any point.
Asking permission is sexy and not a sign of weakness.
Sexual trauma occurs where someone feels pressured into doing something they don’t want to do or has the kind of sex they don’t want to have. This is especially done by the person who had more power in the interaction or relationship and when they don’t even care what the other person wants.
Just because there’s a particular few “standard” porn scripts doesn’t mean that’s what people like outside of that constructed film fantasy. Sexual desire is complex and vast and extends far beyond the contrived world of porn that is let’s face it, made mainly by male directors. Women are all wired from their genitals to their brains very differently to other women and like very different things. Don’t assume anything about anyone’s wants and desires.
Just because you watch a lot of rough and nasty films that show women being disrespected and hurt doesn’t mean your sexual partners will be down for this treatment. Don’t assume anything.
If you go rough on your partner without checking with them first that they like this or without them telling you that’s what they’d like to try- it’s not going to end well. This is not what consent is all about.
Verbal communication is super important during a sexual encounter. Remember that silence is not consent and you must ask and ask and ask some more! You could say, “Is this okay?” or “do you want to keep going?”
If a sexual boundary is accidentally crossed then rely on what should be your foundational skills for any sexual encounter- communication, negotiation and repeated mutual consent.
The laws in Australia have been updated.
Positive consent now means that:
- there is a free agreement between all parties involved, with no coercion, force or intimidation of any kind; and
- an individual will actively display his/her willingness to participate and consent to sexual activity. Consequently:
- submitting to sexual activity, or not actively saying “no”, is not enough to demonstrate consent; and
- the consent of the other party in a sexual encounter should never be assumed, and should be actively sought after and affirmed.
This brings us nicely to my next point..
Slapping your partners genitals
Unless they ask or beg for it. Just don’t. Watching it in a porno doesn’t mean your partner will like it. I’ve heard male, female and non binary clients both complain to me about a new sexual partner doing this to them. You can really hurt someone! Check first!
Start pounding fast and rough anal sex straight away
Porn stars spend copious amounts of time behind the scenes preparing their anuses for sex scenes and they still often sustain injuries. If you want to have anal sex start very slowly and gently and only once your body is very aroused and relaxed.
Be a selfish jerk and make the entire encounter only about your own pleasure
Especially if it’s a first encounter!
I understand in long term relationships you might play and do role plays where one person might only receive one time or what have you! However, in general if you really think the sexual act is mainly about your own pleasure and trying to ram as many openings as possible then you’re missing out on so many other realms of pleasure. If you’re having a one night stand with someone and you’ve demanded they be stroking and sucking you for 99% of the time and you barely even touched their body then perhaps you should start to learn to dedicate some of your time to pleasuring your partner. It’s not all about you!
Only define sex as penis in a vagina or penis in something
This is a huge problem with our society. Sex is a much more expansive idea than this. I have written countless blogs about this over the past six years so won’t repeat myself about this here.
So there you have it! That’s just the tip of the iceberg of what you shouldn’t do in real life that you saw in a porno film!