Check out my latest sex column for Ciao magazine.
Blokes are perpetually up for it, women never have wet dreams and sex always has to climax with orgasms all round. It’s all filthy lies!
MYTH: Women have a lower sex drive than men.
Several studies have shown that in heterosexual relationships, the partner least interested in sex can be equally a man or a woman.
A recent survey found 62 per cent of men turn down sex more frequently than their female partner, with a third admitting they had lost their sex drive. Doctors talk about the rising numbers of men with low libido that they treat, citing stress, illness, money worries, diabetes and obesity as well as lowering levels of testosterone as causes. Large studies done in America show that in every decade there’s a decrease in testosterone levels by as much as 10 per cent.
History illuminates our changing sexual beliefs. In medieval times women were believed to have the bigger sex drive and be more lustful than men. Women’s ability to bleed monthly, give birth and have multiple orgasms were cited as proof of their animalistic sexual urges, which were seen to be more out of control than men’s. Women were thought to be more susceptible to material and fleshly experiences and more likely to be inhabited by evil spirits.
MYTH: Only men have nocturnal orgasms.
Not true! Nocturnal orgasms are a completely normal and common incident for men and women.
This myth may exist because our society talks about male sexuality as more uncontainable and unstoppable. Male orgasm occurs effortlessly but the female orgasm is portrayed as illusive and something that takes a lot of hard work.
Like female ejaculation, female nocturnal orgasms were discovered, recorded then forgotten about back in history. Our sex education curriculum often only references male orgasm (nocturnal or otherwise). I remember no mention of female orgasm at all at my school. Kinsey’s research found over 60 years ago that 37 per cent of women had night orgasms and recent research reveals that more women have nocturnal orgasms than we thought. Female orgasms while sleeping might be more common than recognised – studies have found some women underreported their nocturnal orgasms because of their own social and cultural beliefs.
MYTH: The goal of sex is to have an orgasm.
There is no ‘right’ time or way to have an orgasm.
Being in touch with your lover’s body and enjoying the sensations without focussing on the end result can be liberating. Once we abandon these goal-oriented ideas we can experience each moment with less pressure and performance anxiety. If an orgasm does not occur, sex can still be an enjoyable. Let’s all focus on the journey more than the destination!