She struggles to orgasm
Were you punished for simply exploring your body as a child? It’s a common way that we learn to repress our sexuality and young girls seem to be punished a lot more for self exploration than little boys.
This repression can continue into adulthood. When women don’t know how to orgasm after growing up with this shame about their own bodies it’s important to awaken your own body on your own terms.
I’m going to say that again because it’s so important- awaken your body on your own terms! What would that look like to you? How could you do that?
A lot of young people are brought up with the abstinence only model which can lead to repression and confusion about desire and pleasure.
A lot of girls are accessing porn earlier and earlier and using it as their main form of sex education despite the fact it’s mainly focussed on male sexual needs, made for the the male viewer and documents the male sexual response cycle which is very different to the female sexual response cycle. There can be a lot of frustration when women are trying to make their body respond in the same way a man’s body does.
Learn how to self pleasure yourself on your own.
Get a lamp and a mirror and rub oil on your genitals and give yourself a loving and sensual massage.
Learn how to orgasm yourself on your own first.
Learn the rhythm, pressure and patterns that feel good so that you can then show someone else what you like when you’re ready.
For women of menstruating age and not on hormonal contraception that blocks ovulation, notice the times of your cycle that your body is most responsive, most easily aroused and most lubricated.
Notice how your vulva, body responses and discharge changes throughout your cycle.
Learn to love your body and your genitals in new and radical ways.
Masturbation and sex are skills that need to be learnt like riding a bike.
Imagine you’re training for the Tour de France! Start putting all of that focus and concentration on traning yourself! Don’t let your pleasure go to the bottom of your ‘To Do’ list.
If you struggle to orgasm get to know what’s in between your thighs intimately and make it a priority to master the art of self pleasure and orgasm.
Understanding how all of your body works and responds is important to unlocking sexual pleasure. A lot of my work is starting off with sex education and eradicating so much of the myths that my clients have been brought up with surrounding their sex drive and their bodies.
A clinical sex therapist such as myself can help you if you’re struggling with orgasm and can set you specific homework techniques depending on your specific situation.
This is especially relevent if you’re struggling with past sexual trauma.
Get in touch with me today if you want to reclaim your sexuality, your pleasure and your body.
Catherine O Dowd
Sex therapist- Relationship Counsellor- Art Psychotherapist