How to embrace your authenticity. Daring to be yourself.


Back when I first training to become a therapist I was told I didn’t have “therapist hair” and everyone would questions my qualifications and no one would take me seriously with this hair and I’d have to revamp my entire image and go and buy some “office clothes.”

I was told I needed to take out my piercings and brush out my dreads and look “normal” and “presentable”- whatever that means.
I understand there’s an expecatation to dress in a professional manner sure but how can I speak to my clients about authentically being themselves if I’m so busy trying to turn myself into something I’m not. If I can’t walk my walk and talk my talk how can I expect my clients to!
I want to see a therapist who lives their life honouring their authentic truth.
“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Authenticity is about making informed decisions based on your own self knowledge.
The philosopher Allan Bloom called the self “the mysterious, free, unlimited center of our being.”
Our society places a lot of emphasis on masking our true self to please others expectations or to conform.  However if we are playing out the projections others put onto us we are not living out our authentic Self.
This authentic Self is always trying to come to our attention no matter how much we try and push it down and ignore it. Our own authentic self gets buried under painful childhood memories and other emotional and mental baggage.
Often our inner critic is such a harsh monster that as we try to balance it out by sucking up any validation or flattery we can find. Our true self gets buried in this to and fro conflict.
This  deep inner craving for authenticity that is with us all throughout our life. It impacts how we exist in relationships, sexual relating, work and play.
I see my clients wearing masks and how it can make them so unhappy. Have you felt trapped in a routine or life that doesn’t seem like your own? It might feel like emptiness or self betrayal or it might come out as the fear of not being liked or wanted. Perhaps you feel like you must fit in with whoever you are hanging out with and keep your opinion to yourself for fear of upsetting anyone?

When I was a young teenager I first started falling in love with the music and expression of metal and punk music. I shaved the sides of my head with razors, had black and pink dreadlocks and mohawks and had so much fun expressing myself however I liked. This was long before it became fashionable and it was pretty ‘out there’ at the time.

cat purple hair .jpg

I used material dye to dye my hair shades of purple and green. That was before I discovered this one little store at Centrepoint in Sydney that sold blue, pink and purple Directions hair dye.  I pierced my nose with a safety pin when I was 15 and made clothes myself and ripped up op shops clothes into new articles of clothing.. These decisions all emanated from my own inner values about who I was and embracing the DIY spirit on as many levels as possible.

I was expressing my need for creativity. This was my fundamental authentic truth.

My hair was symbolic to me of feeling comfortable with who I was. Obviously hair is just a simple example and I could go much more deeper but it’s enough to highlight my point.
The reason I’m bring up these younger examples is because I want to ask you this question– What did your younger Self absolutely love to do?
What things were really fun for your younger self and how did you pass your leisure time?
What did you do on your weekends?
Did you love climbing trees? Make time to include activites in your life now that you loved as a child. Let go of how silly you might feel or how your inner critic tries to talk you out of it. Have fun and remember the fun things you did as a kid.

What did your younger self dream of for their older adult self and how is that different to where you’re at right now?

Did young you dream of being a writer, a vet or a sailor? Even if now you can’t become a vet, you can still volunteer at your local animal shelter. Even if you didn’t  become a sailor, perhaps spend a day off at the Maritime Museum, explore a naval vessel on its open day or hire a boat for the day with friends.

Get back in touch with what you’ve pushed down to the side.

Getting in touch with those things that made us so happy when we were younger before we were bogged down with adult responsibilities can help us get back in touch with fun and our authentic selves.

Shaping fun self care activities is authenticity at work.

Don’t bother with the self care 101 exercises you read in magazines unless they appeal to you. Do the specific self care exercises that feed your inner child and inner adolescent. Authentic self care isn’t a cookie cutter on size fits all process.

Be prepared that it won’t be easy. This self knowledge isn’t for the faint of heart and sometimes it can be scary to be authentic.

Showing up and sharing your gifts is what the world needs more of.

Ecstatic orgasm, taking breaks, spirituality and psychology.

I’ve just made it through four long day of lectures, discussions and presentations and am feeling exhausted but inspired! I’ve been learning all about the spiritual aspects of the human experience within the framework of modern psychology. This all made perfect sense to me, as I’ve been harping on about the spiritual aspect of sex and sexuality for a long time!
I’m loving having a foot in both worlds; in the biomedical model of mental health and clinical sex therapy and also in the world of psychotherapy, holistic counselling with an integrated approach, transpersonal psychology and expressive arts therapies. This gives me such a richer insight into emotional well being; in particular how it relates to relationships, identity, sexuality, gender, sexual dysfunction, anxiety, depression, PTSD, trauma, transition, dreams etc.
This expanded perspective gives me a more ‘elaborate’ tool kit to help my clients heal past traumas and change their life. I’m so inspired to help my clients with all this new knowledge.

At the end of a long day of learning so much fascinating material my brain reaches saturation point so I’ve been going for walks along the beach or in the forest.

Here’s a snapshot from my mobile, wherainbown a rainbow appeared just as I was about to jump into the water.
What self nourishing things do you do for yourself when you are burnt out or exhausted or to give yourself a break? Do you do anything for yourself?

Sometimes we just keep pushing ourselves to go, go, go! Never having a break or ‘downtime’ actually hampers our productivity and wellbeing in the long run. How many people eat their lunch breaks at their computer while they work? Sometimes we feel guilty for taking a break or ‘doing nothing,’ and keep pushing ourselves. Living a fast-paced busy life without downtime can also work as a defense mechansim or distraction, sometimes we don’t want to ‘stop’ because there’s things we don’t want to have to think about or make time for. Staying busy can sometimes be a coping mechanism for past trauma because we never have to look within if we don’t make time.

If we are going through a transition, coping with a trauma or processing and intergrating lots of heavy and new knowledge, it’s great to give our mind some ‘time out.’
My ‘nature’ breaks at the end of every lecture helped me to reflect on everything I’d learnt, be in the moment, be present in my body and appreciate everyday beauty. From a more holistic approach, they help me feel “part of the whole.”  I get to leave our world of “pragmatic utilitarianism” and enter a different state of being.

These self nourishing “breaks” can help us get back in touch with ourselves. When you have a break, turn off your phone, don’t try to do three things at once and concentrate on your breathing. Practicing this mindfulness can help us be more connected in our sexual experiences. Have you ever felt like you can’t turn off your mind or your worries in a sexual encounter and that this is holding you back? It’s like a blockage in a pipe,  you try to turn on the tap on and only a drip comes out. Removing these blockages can bring about a flood of sexual energy and ecstacy. Learning to enter this “in the moment” space can lead to greater sexual heights and connection. Ecstatic orgasms can feel like you are one with the universe and floating up high, not in your physical body anymore.
Get in touch with me today if you’d like to learn about this in more detail.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

― Albert Einstein

Get in touch today to book a session with me, I’d love to hear from you.

If your body was a temple..

What do you do to “self care?” It’s something so many of us neglect in our busy, day-to-day lives. What do you do to care for yourself when you’re down or sad? Take a pen and paper and write a list! Stick it on your bedroom wall if needed, so that you can look at it when you need inspiration! It could be as simple as going for a walk or having a warm bath.

Do you listen to your body and what it needs? What do you find is happening when you are not listening and ignoring those messages? We’re often taught not to listen to our body and to “silence” those messages.

How do you think being in touch with the needs of our body might be connected to our sexuality?  Do you love, respect and nurture your body or do you resent it, hate it and punish it? Fulfilling and enriching sex comes from a place of self love and acceptance!

Are you in love with your body and all of its skin? Do you see your scars and stretch marks as badges of honour or things to be ashamed of?  What are some of your favourite things about your body?

If you were to imagine that your body was a temple how you treat your body differently? How does the way you treat your body reflect how you feel about it? Would your temple be run down and neglected or a divine, sacred place of love and nurture?
What are some of the healing, comforting, sensual, loving and invigorating things you are doing to adorn and cherish your temple?  How is your body or temple unique and different? How can you glory in your difference so as not to bring yourself down with comparing yourself to others. We are not billboards. We are living, holistic beings with beautiful flaws. How can you embrace your flaws?

I’d love to read your answers.