New Year Sex and Relationship Resolutions

Happy New Year! Here’s my column that appeared in Ciao magazine…

Celebrate and respect that initial sexual attraction you both first felt when you met.

This is what first drew you together and should not be forgotten. It can be very destructive to a relationship if the times between sexual contact are too long. No matter how fast paced and busy our lives are or how familiar our partner might become to us; it is crucial we never stop seeing them as our lover first and foremost. I see so many clients who have put sex and intimacy on the back burner and this creates a myriad of problems.

Lots of good sex with our partner is beneficial for our health, our blood pressure, our hearts and the health of the relationship! ­ This leads to my next resolution…

Prioritise sex and make time for it.

Schedule in sex dates. If you are too busy and don’t have time to have sex with your partner then it’s time to sit down and re-schedule! If you can start saying no to that party or function that is road blocking your desires and spend time with no one but your partner. Have a night in (or outside if that’s what you like!) with your skin pressing against theirs.

If you’re single, prioritise your self loving practice. Explore your body and new ways of pleasure! Think of your sexuality like a plant that needs watering and attention to grow, flower and thrive. It doesn’t grow on its own if you don’t nurture it. Working on your own sexuality will open you up to greater pleasure and creativity.

For singles looking for a partner or wanting to stop meeting the same types of people all the time; book in a session with me to discover how you are blocking your own happiness and changing the patterns that are keeping you back.

 

 

 

Resolve to “fight fair” for 2015.

9d8fd7accf094a12361a59f9b1cb8a8bArguments will happen but try to stay calm, truly listen to your partner and notice the pain that is prompting their words. My clients have transformed their relationship by learning how to communicate, listen and resolve conflict in a relationship more effectively.

Masterful business communicators can crumble and struggle with communicating in an intimate relationship because the stakes are so much higher and the rules can be a lot less clear.

Resolve to stop doing these things with your partner that are not conducive to a healthy relationship; stonewall (silent treatment), storm out, hanging up, go to bed angry, slam doors or lash out with cruel and personal attacks.

Don’t be a “kitchen sink fighter” and throw in every past blunder your partner has ever made! This will inflame the situation and build resentment. Keep things relevant and specific and try to be assertive not passive, aggressive or passive aggressive.

Book in a therapy session with me if you’d like to learn good relationship communication skills and transform how you relate with your lover.

Broaden your definition of sex for 2015.

Photo Manipulations by Alexandria ThompsonLet’s embrace our sexuality and the many different ways we can have “sex.”
Sex is not just about actual intercourse but about any erotic activity that involves some sort of touch. Some could say touch isn’t even needed- (why look at tantra and breath orgasms­) but it’s about being present and in your body!

Put down your mobile, get out of your head and connect with your lover! Explore different ways of giving and receiving pleasure that don’t focus on performance and goal orientations! And of course above all ­have fun! Joke, play and laugh. Sex with the right person is good for you!

 

 

Here’s to a lush and pleasure ­filled 2015!

Catherine O Dowd

Ecstatic orgasm, taking breaks, spirituality and psychology.

I’ve just made it through four long day of lectures, discussions and presentations and am feeling exhausted but inspired! I’ve been learning all about the spiritual aspects of the human experience within the framework of modern psychology. This all made perfect sense to me, as I’ve been harping on about the spiritual aspect of sex and sexuality for a long time!
I’m loving having a foot in both worlds; in the biomedical model of mental health and clinical sex therapy and also in the world of psychotherapy, holistic counselling with an integrated approach, transpersonal psychology and expressive arts therapies. This gives me such a richer insight into emotional well being; in particular how it relates to relationships, identity, sexuality, gender, sexual dysfunction, anxiety, depression, PTSD, trauma, transition, dreams etc.
This expanded perspective gives me a more ‘elaborate’ tool kit to help my clients heal past traumas and change their life. I’m so inspired to help my clients with all this new knowledge.

At the end of a long day of learning so much fascinating material my brain reaches saturation point so I’ve been going for walks along the beach or in the forest.

Here’s a snapshot from my mobile, wherainbown a rainbow appeared just as I was about to jump into the water.
What self nourishing things do you do for yourself when you are burnt out or exhausted or to give yourself a break? Do you do anything for yourself?

Sometimes we just keep pushing ourselves to go, go, go! Never having a break or ‘downtime’ actually hampers our productivity and wellbeing in the long run. How many people eat their lunch breaks at their computer while they work? Sometimes we feel guilty for taking a break or ‘doing nothing,’ and keep pushing ourselves. Living a fast-paced busy life without downtime can also work as a defense mechansim or distraction, sometimes we don’t want to ‘stop’ because there’s things we don’t want to have to think about or make time for. Staying busy can sometimes be a coping mechanism for past trauma because we never have to look within if we don’t make time.

If we are going through a transition, coping with a trauma or processing and intergrating lots of heavy and new knowledge, it’s great to give our mind some ‘time out.’
My ‘nature’ breaks at the end of every lecture helped me to reflect on everything I’d learnt, be in the moment, be present in my body and appreciate everyday beauty. From a more holistic approach, they help me feel “part of the whole.”  I get to leave our world of “pragmatic utilitarianism” and enter a different state of being.

These self nourishing “breaks” can help us get back in touch with ourselves. When you have a break, turn off your phone, don’t try to do three things at once and concentrate on your breathing. Practicing this mindfulness can help us be more connected in our sexual experiences. Have you ever felt like you can’t turn off your mind or your worries in a sexual encounter and that this is holding you back? It’s like a blockage in a pipe,  you try to turn on the tap on and only a drip comes out. Removing these blockages can bring about a flood of sexual energy and ecstacy. Learning to enter this “in the moment” space can lead to greater sexual heights and connection. Ecstatic orgasms can feel like you are one with the universe and floating up high, not in your physical body anymore.
Get in touch with me today if you’d like to learn about this in more detail.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

― Albert Einstein

Get in touch today to book a session with me, I’d love to hear from you.

https://creativesexpression.com/book-a-session/

Are you projecting the fears of the past onto your present relationship?

“To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny.” – Alan Cohentrapped_by_myriahanyia-d32mglx
Too often people are so scarred by past experiences with sex and relationships, and they project these fears and expectations onto the present with hazardous results. Insecurity can scare away a new partner, and sexual anxiety can limit your potential to experience true connection and a sexually empowered life. How often have you projected the fears, hurts and experiences in a former relationship onto a present lover? How often have you tried not to do this, but just ended up doing it anyway?  We don’t have to repeat these old patterns again and again..

 

Book a session with me today to leave these scars behind and experience true fulfilment and sexual empowerment. I can help you live in the present, not dwell in the past and open yourself up to receiving and giving pleasure, bliss and love.  Art therapy can help heal old hurts and give you insight into your life. Sex therapy can help you create the fulfilling, exciting sexual life brimming with good sexual health that you deserve. Click on the link to book a session with me today!
https://creativesexpression.com/book-a-session/