Role Play for great sex

Imagine you’re being interviewed for a job as a personal assistant in a big office. Now pretend your lover is the boss. They close the door. They walk very close to you as they walk back to their chair and you feel giddy. You suddenly want to do anything to please them; whatever it takes. They need you to work back very long hours under their strict eye. You must relinquish all control and do everything they say. His or her eyes trail down your body. You will have to do a lot more than just filing and you feel your heart rate increase and your face flush with excitement.

Sexy role play helps to liven up sex, heighten intimacy, increase confidence and to drop our inhibitions.

Role play goes straight to the biggest sexual organ in our body- our brain. Our mind needs to be stimulated and silenced at the same time for great sex. It’s this delicate balance that role play games can bring about.
This fact is why Viagra can fail so many couples.
 Viagra only increases blood flow to the genitals and sex is much more than engorged genitalia. Disgruntled wives returned to Doctors complaining hubby demanded sex because he had an instant Viagra raging erection but it didn’t solve any of their broader relationship problems. Viagra didn’t touch their minds.

Getting in the mood for great sex starts with connection, seduction, anticipation, wanting, flirting, teasing, communication, atmosphere, fun, foreplay, imagination and intimacy.

Role play fantasy scenarios invigorate our imagination and lead to very creative love making where we can play out another aspect of ourselves.

Clothes can stay on. It can start with just words.. Once clothes eventually come off you can be so aroused that your body image worries fade away. 
Roleplaying can lead to a greater build up of sexual tension and desire and help you break out of the formulaic—“you do this, then I do this” sex. Boring and uninspired sex can stagnate a relationship.

Try this role play with your partner.

Who wants to play boss and who wants to play secretary? Notice who gravitates naturally to each role.

What is it about this fantasy or one of your own that appeals to you?

Does the idea of being in control and being the boss or being the dutiful, willing and eager junior turn you on?

You could set up a desk and dress in office clothes and re-enact it at home. Perhaps you could arrange to meet in a crowded cafe for the “interview.” You both have to stay in character the whole time. A public area means you can’t touch each other until you get home thus increasing the sexual


Don’t worry about whether your role play is PC or not. As long as our fantasies are negotiated and consensual then try not to over think them.

As children we played “pretend” games and we lose touch with that make believe world as we grow up. Don’t let go of that fertile land of the active imagination. A couple that plays together stays together. Stay consensual, respectful and debrief. There’s tonnes more I could say about this but I’ll leave that to our sessions!

Get in touch if you’d like to learn more or if you want to bring the va va voom back into your relationship.

Ecstatic orgasm, taking breaks, spirituality and psychology.

I’ve just made it through four long day of lectures, discussions and presentations and am feeling exhausted but inspired! I’ve been learning all about the spiritual aspects of the human experience within the framework of modern psychology. This all made perfect sense to me, as I’ve been harping on about the spiritual aspect of sex and sexuality for a long time!
I’m loving having a foot in both worlds; in the biomedical model of mental health and clinical sex therapy and also in the world of psychotherapy, holistic counselling with an integrated approach, transpersonal psychology and expressive arts therapies. This gives me such a richer insight into emotional well being; in particular how it relates to relationships, identity, sexuality, gender, sexual dysfunction, anxiety, depression, PTSD, trauma, transition, dreams etc.
This expanded perspective gives me a more ‘elaborate’ tool kit to help my clients heal past traumas and change their life. I’m so inspired to help my clients with all this new knowledge.

At the end of a long day of learning so much fascinating material my brain reaches saturation point so I’ve been going for walks along the beach or in the forest.

Here’s a snapshot from my mobile, wherainbown a rainbow appeared just as I was about to jump into the water.
What self nourishing things do you do for yourself when you are burnt out or exhausted or to give yourself a break? Do you do anything for yourself?

Sometimes we just keep pushing ourselves to go, go, go! Never having a break or ‘downtime’ actually hampers our productivity and wellbeing in the long run. How many people eat their lunch breaks at their computer while they work? Sometimes we feel guilty for taking a break or ‘doing nothing,’ and keep pushing ourselves. Living a fast-paced busy life without downtime can also work as a defense mechansim or distraction, sometimes we don’t want to ‘stop’ because there’s things we don’t want to have to think about or make time for. Staying busy can sometimes be a coping mechanism for past trauma because we never have to look within if we don’t make time.

If we are going through a transition, coping with a trauma or processing and intergrating lots of heavy and new knowledge, it’s great to give our mind some ‘time out.’
My ‘nature’ breaks at the end of every lecture helped me to reflect on everything I’d learnt, be in the moment, be present in my body and appreciate everyday beauty. From a more holistic approach, they help me feel “part of the whole.”  I get to leave our world of “pragmatic utilitarianism” and enter a different state of being.

These self nourishing “breaks” can help us get back in touch with ourselves. When you have a break, turn off your phone, don’t try to do three things at once and concentrate on your breathing. Practicing this mindfulness can help us be more connected in our sexual experiences. Have you ever felt like you can’t turn off your mind or your worries in a sexual encounter and that this is holding you back? It’s like a blockage in a pipe,  you try to turn on the tap on and only a drip comes out. Removing these blockages can bring about a flood of sexual energy and ecstacy. Learning to enter this “in the moment” space can lead to greater sexual heights and connection. Ecstatic orgasms can feel like you are one with the universe and floating up high, not in your physical body anymore.
Get in touch with me today if you’d like to learn about this in more detail.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

― Albert Einstein

Get in touch today to book a session with me, I’d love to hear from you.

Orgasms are good for you!

Are you feeling down? An orgasm could be the pick me up you need. Orgasm releases endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin. These three are the big three of mood enhancing hormones. Dopamine is the same hormone that your body releases if you use a drug like cocaine or eat a really delicious food.  Mmm and orgasms are much better for your health than drugs!
A recent survey of 1,800 women found that over 30% of them used sexual release as a natural sedative. Is that how you get to sleep when you’re having trouble relaxing?  This brings to mind a certain Seinfeld episode, if anyone can remember that one? No one could get to sleep when the characters were having a little competition amongst themselves!
Orgasms are a natural painkiller. Victorian Doctors were onto something when they said orgasms could soothe certain aches and pains-expecially migraines and menstrual cramps. Who needs panadol?
Apparently the contractions that women have during orgasm can actually evacuate blood clots during menstruation, which can give temporary relief.
Guess what? We actually do “glow” after sex. The hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), can actually make your skin healthier and this hormone skyrockets during sexual activity.When Harry Met Sally
Orgasms are wonderful for stress relief. A lot of us live hectic and busy lives and don’t have much time for relaxation. Hormones during orgasm help us relax and cope with stress and they help our mind have a break. Being sexual helps you be in the moment and only think about one thing only. Often we are always thinking of many things at once.  For many people the only time they have an experience similar to meditation is when they have sex or masturbate.
Orgasms also nourish the brain with oxygen. MRI images show that our  brains use much more oxygen during orgasm than usual. So a bit of self loving is good for your brain!
Orgasms benefit your emotional health..  If you know how to pleasure yourself and take yourself to orgasm it may actually increase your emotional intelligence and sexual confidence. You make much better decisions in relationships when you understand how your body works and that it is capable of amazing pleasure on its own.  You don’t need to affirm our status as a sexual being by looking to someone else. You know that you are a sexual being on your own and you can have mind blowing orgasms on your own.
Need some help or advice? Never had an orgasm or have a partner that hasn’t had an orgasm? Get in touch with me today for a confidential session.

Regular Yoga Increases Female Sex Drive….

A study in India has shown that regular yoga of about forty five minutes duration, increases women’s sex drive.  This recent research followed 40 women, aged between 22 and 55 years, over three months.
Women filled out a questionaire at the beginning and the end of the three months of yoga. The questionaire asked about their Female Sexual Function Index. Basically, this is a scale which measures  things such as desire, arousal, lubrication, pain, orgasm and mental satisfaction. At the end of the three months, 85% of women said they had better orgasms, improved arousal and lubrication and reduced pain during sex.

Researchers said the yoga had improved their pelivc floor muscles, the ones that direct our sexual responses.. The results also showed that yoga was particularly beneficial for women 45 years of age and older.

It makes sense really… Exercise alone can help increase your energy, reduce your stress and anxiety and boost your hormones. Yoga utilises exercise in combination with that all important breath work to really increase awareness of your body. If you book a session with me I can show you some really great breathing techniques that can help get you “out of your head” and in the “over-thinking” and “anxiety” zone and get more in touch with your body.  The more in tune you are with your body, then the more empowered and confident you feel sexually.  Anxiety is a sexual confidence killer. If you feel too trapped in your head and want to break out of this pattern then come and see me.

Book a session with me today to learn ways to increase your body awareness and have better more confident sex!