Here’s my article from CIAO magazine about SEXY SELFIES!
Long before I became a sex therapist, I was an erotic photographer. I’d wait anxiously for film to be developed and breathe a sigh of relief when the images worked out. However, nowadays, smart phones with good quality cameras give us instant gratification; we can take pics of ourselves (aka ‘selfies’) and share them instantly with hundreds, or even thousands, of people on social media.
The selfie trend has taken off in a big way, and as a result hysterical news reports abound about the negative effects of selfies and the new “selfish” generation. However, I don’t agree with pathologising new technology with terms like “addictions” and “narcissism.” These are serious clinical diagnoses that are overused and bandied about.
Like any new technology there is a fear involved, but humans have recorded our image since the very first cave art. Improved technologies made mirrors more accessible during the Renaissance, which enabled artists like Rembrandt to explore self portraits their entire lives. Now self portraiture is available to everyone, not just the elite or the skilled.
Sexy selfies can be empowering and a fun exploration into your sexuality. Selfies have helped my clients explore their gender identity or sexual orientation. Others have used selfies as a visual documentary of their transgender journey. As an art therapist, I’ve witnessed how the process of creating something, whether a drawing, sculpture or photo, can be cathartic and healing.
Furthermore, selfies are taken by regular people – real people with real bodies documenting themselves. The millions of selfies out there now outnumber the manufactured glossy images of unattainable beauty. The snapshot aesthetic normalises less-than-perfect beauty and real shapes.
Building a healthy sexual self esteem is often about purging sexual shame and negativity. Criticising women for posting too sexy selfies reflects a problematic sexual double standard. Judging what is acceptable or not acceptable for a woman in terms of constructing her own image is dangerous. For that woman it might be an important visual essay of their life, a way of connecting with friends or experimenting with her sexual identity.
Selfies can also be an empowering way to reclaim our own image. We are in control, we apply the filters, we delete what we don’t like. I won’t hop on the ‘sex police’ bandwagon and shame or judge people for expressing their sexuality or showing their body in ways they like. I won’t shame a politician for sending ‘sexties’ that are not seen as sexually ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable.’
If you do feel like your selfie-taking is out of control, then seek professional help, but if not, viva la selfie! I’m embracing sexy selfies and their ability to document the vast tapestry of human sexuality in all its diversity.
become bitter and hard. We can close up and put our defenses up and this can affect relationships into the future. We can pull away and retreat from the world or throw ourselves back into it with so much gusto we can try and “fuck the pain away.” The pain can be so overwhelming that we can self medicate ourselves with drugs and alcohol. Sometimes we have put so much pressure on ourselves to find “the one” that we feel like we can’t live without this person. Life feels strange and alien to us without them.
“The seed cannot sprout upwards without simultaneously sending roots into the ground,” says an Egyptian proverb.
I’ve been working hard setting up my new therapy space today. I’m consciously creating a harmonious space that is perfect for transformation, healing and growth. It’s part counselling space/part art therapy studio and part bushland retreat! I can spread out all my art and clay therapy materials out, and I can burn a candle or oils for meditation exercises to create the perfect peaceful atmosphere for my clients. It is a truly healing space for clients that have suffered trauma, abuse or any upheavals. The sounds of Nature and the birds in the trees are the perfect backdrop for art therapy exercises and meditations.
ng space to work on healing and transforming yourself? I find Nature very healing and relaxing and the view of the National Park out the wrap around windows creates such a soothing atmosphere. I’ve put bunches of fresh flowers throughout the space and burnt some sage. It feels like a sacred space and I’m ready to see my clients here. I’m just sp excited to start using this space tomorrow!
I’ve just spent an incredible and intense four days of full time workshops and lectures learning hands on more and more about art therapy and transpersonal counselling.
