Using poetry and writing in therapy

“Poetry Therapy” can help us to view things in different ways and gain more insight into our situations.  “Poetry therapy” can refer to  bibliotherapy (which is all about the use of literature) or  journal therapy (which is when I will ask you to do life-based reflective writing in your journal). It can also encompass storytelling and film and photography.

I’ve posted a poem by Walt Whitman for your reading pleasure. Let me know how it makes you feel once you have read it. Perhaps read it a second time to let the words really seep in.

Unfolded Out Of The Folds

UNFOLDED out of the folds of the woman, man comes unfolded, and is
always to come unfolded;
Unfolded only out of the superbest woman of the earth, is to come the
superbest man of the earth;
Unfolded out of the friendliest woman, is to come the friendliest
Unfolded only out of the perfect body of a woman, can a man be form’d
of perfect body;
Unfolded only out of the inimitable poem of the woman, can come the
poems of man–(only thence have my poems come;)
Unfolded out of the strong and arrogant woman I love, only thence can
appear the strong and arrogant man I love;
Unfolded by brawny embraces from the well-muscled woman I love, only
thence come the brawny embraces of the man;
Unfolded out of the folds of the woman’s brain, come all the folds of
the man’s brain, duly obedient;
Unfolded out of the justice of the woman, all justice is unfolded;
Unfolded out of the sympathy of the woman is all sympathy: 10
A man is a great thing upon the earth, and through eternity–but
every jot of the greatness of man is unfolded out of woman,
First the man is shaped in the woman, he can then be shaped in
Walt Whitman

Orgasms are good for you!

Are you feeling down? An orgasm could be the pick me up you need. Orgasm releases endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin. These three are the big three of mood enhancing hormones. Dopamine is the same hormone that your body releases if you use a drug like cocaine or eat a really delicious food.  Mmm and orgasms are much better for your health than drugs!
A recent survey of 1,800 women found that over 30% of them used sexual release as a natural sedative. Is that how you get to sleep when you’re having trouble relaxing?  This brings to mind a certain Seinfeld episode, if anyone can remember that one? No one could get to sleep when the characters were having a little competition amongst themselves!
Orgasms are a natural painkiller. Victorian Doctors were onto something when they said orgasms could soothe certain aches and pains-expecially migraines and menstrual cramps. Who needs panadol?
Apparently the contractions that women have during orgasm can actually evacuate blood clots during menstruation, which can give temporary relief.
Guess what? We actually do “glow” after sex. The hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), can actually make your skin healthier and this hormone skyrockets during sexual activity.When Harry Met Sally
Orgasms are wonderful for stress relief. A lot of us live hectic and busy lives and don’t have much time for relaxation. Hormones during orgasm help us relax and cope with stress and they help our mind have a break. Being sexual helps you be in the moment and only think about one thing only. Often we are always thinking of many things at once.  For many people the only time they have an experience similar to meditation is when they have sex or masturbate.
Orgasms also nourish the brain with oxygen. MRI images show that our  brains use much more oxygen during orgasm than usual. So a bit of self loving is good for your brain!
Orgasms benefit your emotional health..  If you know how to pleasure yourself and take yourself to orgasm it may actually increase your emotional intelligence and sexual confidence. You make much better decisions in relationships when you understand how your body works and that it is capable of amazing pleasure on its own.  You don’t need to affirm our status as a sexual being by looking to someone else. You know that you are a sexual being on your own and you can have mind blowing orgasms on your own.
Need some help or advice? Never had an orgasm or have a partner that hasn’t had an orgasm? Get in touch with me today for a confidential session.

Female Orgasm

I remember in sex education in school never learning anything about the female orgasm, in fact I don’t think the words were even mentioned! I remember the emphasis on male orgasm depositing sperm into the vagina  and that was about  it.  There was never any mention of the clitoris getting erect or the entire labia area become engorged with blood and “puffing out” or how the vagina actually lengthens and changes shape when a woman is turned on.

There’s a lot of ignorance and misinformation about the female orgasm and female pleasure and looking at our sex education is there any wonder why?  A recent study of women in Sweden sheds some light onto women’s experiences with orgasm. The study asked almost one a half thousand women about their experiences with orgasm. The women were predominantly heterosexual and their ages ranged from 18 to 74.

Only 3% of the women surveyed reported never having an orgasm and 57% of the women said they could reach orgasm through penile intercourse alone.  69% of women said that their preferred masturbation technique was clitoral stimulation.  21% of women said they found it hard to reach orgasm a lot of the time. 31% of women surveyed said that having a penis inside their vagina made no difference to the quality of their orgasm.  The average age that women first had sex was 16 years.

63% of women aged 66 to 74 said they experienced their first ever orgasm by having a penis inside their vagina. 46% of women aged 18 to 24 experienced their first ever orgasm through masturbation.

Such a fascinating study that shows the diversity of female experience and differences in female pleasure.. Almost 60% of women achieve orgasm through penis in vagina sex and over 40% of women don’t.  The majority of women have experienced orgasm. So when you are with a woman you can’t make any assumptions about “what women like” because as you can see, we like very different things!  Asking what she likes, is a great way to start…

Regular Yoga Increases Female Sex Drive….

A study in India has shown that regular yoga of about forty five minutes duration, increases women’s sex drive.  This recent research followed 40 women, aged between 22 and 55 years, over three months.
Women filled out a questionaire at the beginning and the end of the three months of yoga. The questionaire asked about their Female Sexual Function Index. Basically, this is a scale which measures  things such as desire, arousal, lubrication, pain, orgasm and mental satisfaction. At the end of the three months, 85% of women said they had better orgasms, improved arousal and lubrication and reduced pain during sex.

Researchers said the yoga had improved their pelivc floor muscles, the ones that direct our sexual responses.. The results also showed that yoga was particularly beneficial for women 45 years of age and older.

It makes sense really… Exercise alone can help increase your energy, reduce your stress and anxiety and boost your hormones. Yoga utilises exercise in combination with that all important breath work to really increase awareness of your body. If you book a session with me I can show you some really great breathing techniques that can help get you “out of your head” and in the “over-thinking” and “anxiety” zone and get more in touch with your body.  The more in tune you are with your body, then the more empowered and confident you feel sexually.  Anxiety is a sexual confidence killer. If you feel too trapped in your head and want to break out of this pattern then come and see me.

Book a session with me today to learn ways to increase your body awareness and have better more confident sex!

The Female Orgasm as Art

What an interesting project.  I just watched a series of movies called, “Hysterical Literature” by film maker Clayton Cubbitt. A womanHysterical Literature sits at a table and reads from her favourite book. Underneath the table out of view of the camera, an “unseen accomplice” tried to bring the woman to orgasm with a vibrator. There was something quite beautiful about the black and white treatment, the reading of the literature and the intimacy of the orgasm. It is a very different treatment of  female orgasm that is seen in pornography!

There is a distinct sensuality in these short films, which I really enjoyed watching.  There’s even some humour as the woman Hysterical-Literaturestruggles to maintain her focus on the words in front of her!  Apparently it was a back massager that was being used, and if you listen carefully, sometimes you can hear the buzzing!

The director sums it up nicely, “It’s quite interesting to hear about what was going through their mind as they started to lose track of what they read and surrendered to their bodies. They talk about it almost like it becomes a religious trance, and they usually have no recollection of the last half of the reading.”

I love how they don’t remember the last section of what they’re reading! And the director also mentions the interesting struggles the sitter has between mind and body. One of the women said she held on for as long as she could, reading the literature, before she decided to give in to the pleasure.

“The title is a winking reference to the quack Victorian medical theory of “hysteria” in women, and the vibrators and hydrotherapy treatments used to “cure” them. On an individual level, I’m interested in the battle the sitter experiences between mind and body, and how long one retains primacy over the other, and when they reach balance, and when they switch control.”

As a sex therapist, I couldn’t help but see the films as a nice  metaphor for letting go and stopping thinking and overanalysing everything, in order to experience pleasure. During sex a lot of people find it hard to stop the non-stop narrative going through their head, and this can make it hard for them to let go and experience orgasm. What are your thoughts?  When has your mind and all your thoughts blocked you from letting go and feeling pleasure and/or orgasm?