Category: Uncategorized

Are your defenses up?

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

It is too easy to blame your problems on say, your partner or lover, so that we don’t have to accept that our unhappiness is our own responsibility. Defensiveness can blind us to what is really going on in our own life and the choices that we can take for our own happiness.

Everyone has these defensive mechanisms that started to use as children to protect ourselves. Now that we’re grown up adults we still can have these defenses, along with some new protective walls we may have built up around throughout our life. We can do this consciously or unconsciously.  Perhaps you’ve been heartbroken in the past, so you won’t open yourself to others in case you get hurt again? Perhaps you react angrily to disguise a mistake? Sometimes we have sharpened our defensive skills to such an extent that they are automatic reactions and we don’t even have another option to take in particular situations. It is becoming aware of these defenses in your life that allows you to change them.

The question I want you to ask is; what do these defense mechanisms do for you? Do they really keep you safe and protect you? Perhaps they just get in your way and hold you back? Do these walls you’ve built up around yourself hold you in a prison that you can’t free yourself from?  What sounds better to withdraw and keep people away, or be open and vulnerable, experiencing true intimacy?  These walls can hold us away from relationships that can make us happy.

It is possible to reduce your defensive mechanisms. I have a program and various exercises that can help you become aware of the different defensive walls you have been using. This awareness leads to letting go of the defenses that can hold you  back. Letting go of defenses does lead to greater happiness and more fulfilling relationships and intimacy. Get in touch today!

Regular Yoga Increases Female Sex Drive….

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

A study in India has shown that regular yoga of about forty five minutes duration, increases women’s sex drive.  This recent research followed 40 women, aged between 22 and 55 years, over three months.
Women filled out a questionaire at the beginning and the end of the three months of yoga. The questionaire asked about their Female Sexual Function Index. Basically, this is a scale which measures  things such as desire, arousal, lubrication, pain, orgasm and mental satisfaction. At the end of the three months, 85% of women said they had better orgasms, improved arousal and lubrication and reduced pain during sex.

Researchers said the yoga had improved their pelivc floor muscles, the ones that direct our sexual responses.. The results also showed that yoga was particularly beneficial for women 45 years of age and older.

It makes sense really… Exercise alone can help increase your energy, reduce your stress and anxiety and boost your hormones. Yoga utilises exercise in combination with that all important breath work to really increase awareness of your body. If you book a session with me I can show you some really great breathing techniques that can help get you “out of your head” and in the “over-thinking” and “anxiety” zone and get more in touch with your body.  The more in tune you are with your body, then the more empowered and confident you feel sexually.  Anxiety is a sexual confidence killer. If you feel too trapped in your head and want to break out of this pattern then come and see me.

Book a session with me today to learn ways to increase your body awareness and have better more confident sex!

How to be a good sexual communicator..

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

On my Creative Sexpression facebook I just asked this question, “What makes great sex and what makes a great lover?” Check it out for some insightful and also quite amusing replies.
I believe one of the answers to these questions is; good sexual communication. If there’s something you really want but don’t know how to ask for it, either in life or in the bedroom, how can you enjoy true fulfillment?

Good sexual communication is a must for good sex, relationships and connection. A strong sexual self esteem, being truly sexually empowered and brimming with self confidence are essential for sexual communication. If someone feels so low they are always looking for validation in others, it will be difficult for them to communicate from a healthy place. If someone is truly sexually empowered they will not take rejection personally. Book a session with me today to embark on my sexual confidence program.

Good sexual education and knowledge are important. Sexual myths and expectation and stereotypes about men and women can make sexual communication a shady and confusing place. In school we are often only taught about sex education from a negative angle, without any focus on the positive aspects of sex and pleasure. We are taught about sex from a disease prevention and basic reproductive anatomy angle. No wonder it is so hard for us to be good sexual communicators when we were never taught these skills!

Learning how to communicate our wants, needs and desires and negotiate these accordingly are important skills in sexual communication we were never taught in school. Being a good listener and positive communicator are contribute to sexual communication with a partner.

Book a session with me today to learn how to be a better sexual communicator and have a better sex life!

Even Science agrees. Rituals do work!

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized
Ritual can help you deal with the end of a marriage or relationship, the loss of a friend, going into a new phase of your life, anxiety, confidence, healing and leaving behind trauma and assault..
Ritual can also help build better relationships, bring a couple closer together, open the gateway to sacred sex and better connection and enhance the quality of your life.I can’t ask any of my counselling/sex therapy clients to do any processes or exercises I haven’t tried myself first.
On Monday night I designed my own personal ritual and executed it in the presence of others. It was an incredibly powerful experience and I feel like a transformed person ever since.

During this ritual or rite of passage, I used symbols, objects, music, sounds and other things that were of personal significance to me. People use rituals  as a way to get a sense of control again and reduce negative feelings after our worlds have been shaken up.
Studies have shown that people who undertake rituals (whether alone in or in a group) have a much stronger sense of control over their worlds and lower levels of grief when it came to loss or missing out. Rituals can also reduce anxiety and increase people’s confidence. If something has happened in your life and you feel loss or disruption, or you want to increase intimacy in your relationship; then designing a ritual with me can help.
I love this article.  Part of my recent study has been noticing the overlaps between western psychology and holistic and ancient traditions. Some very mainstream psychologists have advocated rituals for couple work.  It’s undeniable that this ancient tradition that has been used throughout history is important and useful for self transformation and couples work. If you would like to learn to use rituals in your own life to transform yourself, heal a past hurt or further enhance your relationships, book a session with me now! Rituals can be simple and short, they don’t have to be a long or time consuming affair.  Rituals can give your life more meaning and add extra depth and intensity to your relationships.
                                                                     
“There are real benefits to rituals, religious or otherwise.Recent research suggests that rituals may be more rational than they appear. Why? Because even simple rituals can be extremely effective.

Rituals performed after experiencing losses – from loved ones to lotteries – do alleviate grief, and rituals performed before high-pressure tasks – like singing in public – do in fact reduce anxiety and increase people’s confidence.

What’s more, rituals appear to benefit even people who claim not to believe that rituals work.

While anthropologists have documented rituals across cultures, this earlier research has been primarily observational. Recently, a series of investigations by psychologists have revealed intriguing new results demonstrating that rituals can have a causal impact on people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.”

~ excerpt from “Why Rituals Work” by Francesca Gino and Michael I. Norton for Scientific American magazine

More sexual myths. Men turning down sex with their partners.

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

I’m on a lifelong journey to tackle sexual myths, because there’s a lot of misinformation out there. Starting with this myth- Women have lower sexual desire than men.
This is not true! Several studies have found that the partner least desirous of sex can be equally the male or the female.
Research has shown that the differences between male and female desire discrepancy is evenly balanced.
In medieval times, women were believed to have the bigger sex drive than men. It was believed that women had animalistic sexual urges that were more out of control than men.
A recent survey found 62 per cent of men turn down sex more frequently than their female partner, with a third admitting they had lost their sex drive.
Doctors talk about the rising numbers of men with low libido that they treat; citing stress, illness, money worries, diabetes and obesity as well as lowering levels of testostorone as causes. Large studies done in America show that every decade there’s a decrease in testosterone levels by as much as ten per cent.
If you would like to improve your sexual desire or are having problems with your partner because you have mismatched libidos I can help! Book a session today!

Escaping the sex-negative sex-police!

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

“In our culture, we sunbathe in sex-negativity constantly. When I say sex-negativity, I mean that we attach all kinds of negative ideas to sex and sexuality and, as a culture, we use sexuality as a weapon of control. We shame one another for sexual expression we don’t personally like, and we hurl outrageous insults at people who don’t fall in line sexually the way we want them to. The sex police are everywhere, from Bill O’Reilly, to your sexist legislator, to Phillis Schlafly, to your mama or your school peer: They tell us what to do with our bodies, what sexual choices to make, what sexual expression is okay/not okay and the sexual etiquette they deem appropriate for us. So much of it boils down to others wanting to limit our sexual choices and expression.

You are not a slut because you’re a sexually powerful woman.
You are not a slut because you’re in your body.
You are not a slut because your sexuality might be different from someone else’s.
You are not a slut because you enjoy sex.”

A. Goddard

Photo by Rosea Posey

Could marijuana be causing my less than adequate erections?

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

Question: Could marijuana be causing my less than adequate erections?

I’ve had a lot of question submitted on my website about the effects marijuanna has on male sexual health. Like alcohol, the dosage has a lot to do with the effects it has on your sexual functioning.

In very small quantities, marijuana might bring about greater sexual desire and arousal, but in larger quantities, it is linked to sexual problems. I found a study of daily marijuana smokers compared to non-smokers which found that the rate of erectile dysfunction was three times as high among those who were consuming pot every day.
Perhaps you could stop smoking pot and see if your erections improve. If they don’t improve you should book in to see a sex therapist (click here to make a booking) because there are many things that can contribute to arousal difficulties, and maybe the answer may be more complex than what you’re smoking and drinking.

Sacred Sex… Reaching new heights..

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

I just wanted to share this quote with you all. It really turns the idea upside down that sex is shameful, naughty or sinful. How can you change your view of sex and your body?

“Candles, music, flowers and wine – these we all know are the stuff of romance, of sex and of love. But candles, flowers, music and wine are also the stuff of religious ritual, of our most sacred rites.
Why is there this striking, though seldom noted, commonality?

Is it just accidental that passion is the word we use for both sexual and mystical experiences? Or is there here some long-forgotten but still powerful connection? Could it be that the yearning of so many women and men for sex as something beautiful and magical is our long-repressed impulse toward a more spiritual, and at the same time more intensely passionate, way of expressing sex and love?

Because we have been taught to think of sex as sinful, dirty, titillating or prurient, the possibility that sex could be spiritual, much less sacred, may seem shocking. Even stranger in a world where female genitals are sometimes described as “cunts” (one of the most obscene swear words in the English language), is the idea that women’s bodies and particularly women’s vaginas could be sacred.

Yet the evidence is compelling that for many thousands of years much longer than the thirty to fifty centuries we call recorded history this was the case. In traditions that go back to the dawn of civilization, the female vulva was revered as the magical portal of life, possessed of the power of both physical regeneration and spiritual illumination and transformation.

Far from being seen as a “dirty cunt,” woman’s pubic triangle was the sacred manifestation of creative sexual power. And far from being of a lower, base or carnal order, it was a primary symbol of the powerful figure known in later Western history as the Great Goddess: the divine source of life, pleasure, and love. ”

~ Riane Eisler, “Sacred Pleasure: Sex, Myth, and the Politics of the Body”

Here’s some good things about porn..

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

I just thought I’d throw a spanner in the works and post some good, hard evidence about how porn has actually improved society.

There is a lot of good research out there that has been repeated in many countries around the world (check out Milton Diamond if you want to read more) that proves this. The research shows that as a country increases their access to porn, the rates of sex crimes has gone down. Included in these sex crimes are rape, child abuse and exhibitionism.  In the past twelve years where fast internet has brought porn into American homes, the FBI statistics show that the rates of child molestation and sexual violence has actually dropped. This has also been found in many European countries and in Japan.

Are you projecting the fears of the past onto your present relationship?

Posted on by Cat O Dowd in Uncategorized

“To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny.” – Alan Cohentrapped_by_myriahanyia-d32mglx
Too often people are so scarred by past experiences with sex and relationships, and they project these fears and expectations onto the present with hazardous results. Insecurity can scare away a new partner, and sexual anxiety can limit your potential to experience true connection and a sexually empowered life. How often have you projected the fears, hurts and experiences in a former relationship onto a present lover? How often have you tried not to do this, but just ended up doing it anyway?  We don’t have to repeat these old patterns again and again..

 

Book a session with me today to leave these scars behind and experience true fulfilment and sexual empowerment. I can help you live in the present, not dwell in the past and open yourself up to receiving and giving pleasure, bliss and love.  Art therapy can help heal old hurts and give you insight into your life. Sex therapy can help you create the fulfilling, exciting sexual life brimming with good sexual health that you deserve. Click on the link to book a session with me today!
https://creativesexpression.com/book-a-session/